You Know You're An Engineer if....

  1. If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
  2. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
  3. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
  4. If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas
  5. If Dilbert is your hero
  6. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
  7. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
  8. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
  9. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
  10. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
  11. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' golf clubs
  12. If you use a CAD package and a wind tunnel to design and test your son's Pine Wood Derby car
  13. If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
  14. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
  15. If you window shop at Radio Shack
  16. If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
  17. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
  18. If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
  19. If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
  20. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
  21. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
  22. If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
  23. If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
  24. If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
  25. If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
  26. If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
  27. If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
  28. If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
  29. If you have never backed-up your hard drive
  30. If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
  31. If you truly believe aliens are living among us
  32. If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
  33. If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
  34. If you see a good design and still have to change it
  35. If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
  36. If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
  37. If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
  38. If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
  39. If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
  40. If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
  41. If you have more toys than your kids
  42. If you need a checklist to turn on the TV (because you've got too many add-ons)
  43. If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
  44. If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
  45. If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
  46. If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
  47. If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
  48. If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
  49. If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
  50. If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
  51. If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
  52. If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
  53. If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
  54. If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
  55. If you did the sound system for your senior prom
  56. If your checkbook always balances
  57. If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
  58. If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
  59. If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
  60. If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
  61. If you spend more on your home computer than your car
  62. If you know what http:// stands for
  63. If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
  64. If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
  65. If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
  66. If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
  67. If your 4 basic food groups are:
    1. Caffeine
    2. Fat
    3. Sugar
    4. Chocolate
  68. If you and your son built a TV from scratch just for fun
    (this includes building a TV from an oscilloscope)
  69. If you're mad because this list didn't end on a round number

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Neil Rieck
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.