Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a
university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting
one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group
of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent
for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical
engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil
engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an
engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an
accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an
arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who
must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke,
don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
MIT Engineers believe that If it isn't broken, take it
apart and fix it!
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing
a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in
his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back
into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Understanding Engineers #9
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort,
he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air
conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan
says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush
toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going
to come up with next."
God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he
should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send
him up here!"
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"
- Become a gold member at
and you'll be allowed to search Dilbert cartoons by "character dialog" or
keyword or both)
- Access this free third-party
tool to search for words like "COBOL" or "Java" :-)
"Look: Actual Code"
"When I Started Programming..."
"Dilbert's Salary Theorem"
and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales
This theorem can now
be supported by a mathematical equation as follows:
||Knowledge is Power
||Time is Money
|As every engineer knows:
||Power = Work / Time
||Knowledge = Power
||Time = Money
||Knowledge = Work / Money
|Solving for Money, we get:
||Money = Work / Knowledge.
As knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of
the amount of work done.
The less you know, the more money you make. (ask any CEO or MBA)
Women (As Explained by Engineers)
people are not aware of the best reincarnation of Sir Arthur Conan
Doyle's most famous character. Starting in 1984,
Granada Television in the UK
spent an enormous amount of money to recreate a section of London England (circa
1895-1905) right down to the carriages, gas lanterns, and costumes. They only
used stories by Doyle so you won't find Holmes fighting the Nazi's as we have
seen in other incarnations from Hollywood. Jeremy Brett plays Holmes and is
the most believable of all to date. Granada even goes so far as to end certain
scenes with the actors standing in the same positions as the illustrations as
in The Strand Magazine. The
series is always running on PBS in North
America and you can now purchase all 41-episodes as part of a DVD collection.
Art imitates life
Sonny: I just might get to like this place. Let's see if the
Braves are on. How do you turn on this here teevee?
Sonny: Yeah, boob-tube... you know. I'd like to find out how the
Braves are doin' after all this time. Probably still finding ways to
Data to Riker: Oh -- I think he means television, sir.
Sonny: Or maybe catch up on the soaps.
Data to Sonny: That particular form of entertainment did not last
much beyond the year Two Thousand Forty.
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION - Episode 126 - Titled: "The Neutral
Reality: Television died in 2004; not
Reason: in order to maximize their
profits, the networks decided to replace programs based upon
"professional writing and acting" with "so-called Reality TV"
The IT Crowd
- Not sure why the funniest stuff originates in Britain but this program
about computer nerds working for a large company is reputed to be the
The Big Bang Theory
Kitchener - Waterloo - Cambridge, Ontario, Canada.